I am sure he was wondering what the heck

I consider myself fairly intelligent but I have moments when the synapse are not all firing! Yesterday, I had one of these moments. I had a 5 hour drive home and bought a blue tooth headset so that I could talk hands free while driving. I tried to call my daughter but I was not having much luck getting in touch with her, so I called her father, my ex-husband. John and I have a decent relationship but there are some issues. I would say they are more annoyances than anything. Anyway, I called John up and left the following message:
ME: Hi John, This is Janis. I am trying to find Claire, I want to know if she fed Grissom. Can you have her call me?
Call was over and I THOUGHT I hung up my headset, well I didn't. It was at this point a Semi-truck driver appeared as he was going to come into my lane and I have a tendency to voice my opinion, even though the driver can not hear me. So ... this is the rest of the message John heard:
ME: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING! KEEP YOUR BUTT OVER THERE!! I AM NOT PLAYING THAT GAME!! I then heard the headset click.
Oh well, it will keep John on his feet!

Bathroom Extortion

I should have peed on her floor! I was driving home tonight from Buffalo and I made the mistake of having way too much coffee and pop (soda for all of you non-Ohio people)before I got on the road. I was on I-90 and my bladder and my gas tank dictated that I should stop at Chautauqua, NY. When I had visited Chautauqua in the past it had this very cool vibe, there are great old houses and it is the home of the Chautauqua Institute which holds open forums on public issues, international relations, literature and science. Chautauqua Institute was founded on the belief that everyone “has a right to be all that he can be -- to know all that he can know.” Well, back to my story. So I exit the toll road and headed towards the lake and I stopped at this little carry out/ gas station. The first thing I noticed, was that the gas was over $2.17 a gallon which was ridicules because every other gas station was around $1.76 a gallon. The second thing I noticed was a sign on the door that said "no public restroom"! I went in anyway because I wanted to ask where was the closest public bathroom. The only people in this place were the owner, a tattered old man buying bread and myself. When the old man left, I asked the owner where is the closet public bathroom and she said "I would guess closer towards town". She must had seen the look of exasperation in my face because she next said "I do have a bathroom for MY customers and if you buy something you can use it." Then she broke into this litany on how the beach was across the street and if she let everyone use the bathroom she would have people in all day long and she would not be able to pay for the toilet paper. I wanted to shake her and say "For God's sake lady it is February, there is not a soul within 100 yards of this place and I am in business attire not my frigging bikini ... but I didn't. I just grabbed the closet thing to me a can of pop and put it on the counter, threw down my money and said where is the bathroom PLEASE. When I came out my pop was on the counter with my change and the owner was no where to be seen! So much for the cool vibe in Chautauqua!